I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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