ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
