one two three fourrrrnication!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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