Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
