I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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