getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
