Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
