12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
