I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
either way he was missing a nipple.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
