The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
