Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
