stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
