I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
