so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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