Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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