U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
