I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
