the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
