can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
