Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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