when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
