She said her name was "party"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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