If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
