And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
