There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
