I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
