I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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