Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
