If i come over, it means nothing
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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