so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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