Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My vagina is officially offended.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
