So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
