He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
