It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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