Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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