you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
