Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
