do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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