saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize