just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your room smells of hookers.
And success
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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