A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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