I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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