Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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