My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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