i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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