my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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