Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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