i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
