Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So. Much. Porn.
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