It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
