Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
