Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
