I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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