I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
