I want to have your abortion
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
