She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
