their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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