Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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