He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
