i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
