dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
