My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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