Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
