dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
