she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
