Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can I color on your dick again?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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