You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
