why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
