I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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