thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
