I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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