Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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