He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
