I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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