well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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