I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
