We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
